One particular evening when I was a teenager, I sat on a barstool up at the kitchen counter, with at least one of of my siblings beside me. The daily newspaper was on the counter, featuring a large picture of the President of the United States on the front. My opinion of this individual was considerably less than scintillating. I knew my parents were not proponents of his, and I was just aware enough of current events to hold a healthy distaste for him myself. My parents must have been watching the news or something on TV that related to the President.  As I sat there listening to whatever was going on, filled with self-importance (and obviously a healthy dose of insolence), I began to graffiti the picture of the President, adding horns and a pitchfork, and other similarly unflattering accoutrements. I dimly remember the feeling of showing off my misdeed for my sibling audience.

Then my dad came over.

I don’t remember what he said, but I do remember how I felt. He reprimanded me and made it clear that what I had done was inappropriate.

That day I learned some important lessons. 

I learned that there is a difference between disagreeing and being disagreeable.

I learned respect for the office of the President, even if I took issue with him personally or politically.

And, fundamentally, I learned that my parents were serious about all the things they taught us regarding treating others with love and respect and everyone being a child of God.   There was no exception clause for people with vastly different political views. 

Many years and several presidential terms have passed since then.  Sadly, the divisiveness and disrespect on all fronts in this election year has far surpassed any that I have witnessed or lamented before.   It spurs in me a response perhaps best summarized in a line from the movie, Hook, where Peter Pan’s young daughter, Maggie, yells at Captain Hook, “You need a mother very, very badly!” 

The mom in me wants to put everybody behaving poorly (from the top down) in time-out to think about what they have done and take accountability for their own actions.  I want to insist that every presidential candidate must choose a running-mate of the opposite party, the political equivalent of parents who make their fighting children wear a giant t-shirt together until they can learn to get along.  I want to require candidates and voters to get to know and perform service for their counterparts from other parties.  Just like I want my children to realize that we are all in the same family and we need to love and care for each other, I want Americans (including elected officials and ordinary citizens alike) to realize that we are all on the same team and we need to work together with love and respect for the good of our country.

So, lacking the ability to be everybody’s mother,  what can I realistically do about it?

* I can choose to control myself and hold myself to a higher standard, no matter what others choose to say or do.  As a parent, it can be extremely difficult to control your temper when children are fighting, throwing a tantrum, or being disrespectful.  I have made the mistake of mirroring unpleasant behavior way too many times to be proud of.   However, experience has shown that doing so only makes a bad situation worse; and over the course of many years’ practice I am gradually improving at staying calm or walking away in the face of heated situations.  Really, this is a skill that cannot be overestimated in value in a world with so much conflict, so much social media, and so many adults acting embarrassingly like angry toddlers or insolent teens.  (To be clear, I don’t mean to give kids a bad rap. Their developing brains give them legitimate reasons for behavior that most adults can’t claim.)

* I can model and teach love and respect within the walls of my own home, which is the platform, after all, where I have the most influence.  Twenty years ago,  Gordon B. Hinckley said:

“Society’s problems arise, almost without exception, out of the homes of the people. It there is to be a reformation, if there is to be a change, if there is to be a return to old and sacred values, it must begin in the home. . . .

“No nation can rise above the strength of its homes or the virtue of its people. The time has come for good people everywhere to demonstrate that they stand for something—something that is virtuous and clean and worthwhile. To that end, may we move forward with faith in the Almighty, and with a determination to live virtuous lives and to return to our society the element of goodness on which it was founded.”   (Gordon B. Hinckley. Standing for Something. Random House: 2000. 143, 178.)

* I can put my trust in God instead of in man, and pray for our country, its elected officials, and its citizens.  I love this recent invitation from M. Russell Ballard:

“No matter how you pray or to whom you pray, please exercise your faith–whatever your faith may be–and pray for your country and for your national leaders.  . . . This is not about politics or policy.  This is about peace and the healing that can come to individual souls as well as to the soul of countries–their cities, towns, and villages–through the Prince of Peace and the source of all healing, the Lord Jesus Christ. . . .

“The Savior taught us to not limit who we pray for. . . . Sincerely praying for those who may be considered our enemies demonstrates our belief that God can change our hearts and the hearts of others.  Such prayers should strengthen our resolve to make whatever changes are necessary in our own lives, families, and communities. . . .

“Praying for justice, peace, the poor, and the sick is often not enough.  After we kneel in prayer, we need to get up from our knees and do what we can to help–to help both ourselves and others.” 

Petitioning for divine assistance from a higher power is a joint project we can all participate in, regardless of religion, race, political party, gender, or any other demographic.   Unity and diversity need not be mutually exclusive; we can all seek for the best in our country and go about it in varying ways while still acting with respect and decorum. 

Obviously, Election Day feels like it comes with big stakes, and tensions and emotions are running high across the country.  But I don’t think the outcome of this one day determines our destiny as a nation.  Rather, I believe that it is our collective choices day in and day out that make the bigger impact.  We can, and must, do better in this regard. Today,  my prayer, regardless of who wins, is that “we, the people” can unite as “one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”